Written by Rebekah Gurshany

Family Mediator at Evolve Family Mediation

Rebekah is a very experienced family lawyer and accredited mediator, and has been helping people for more than 20 years sort out their separation or divorce. She is also Collaborative Lawyer.

“Rebekah Gershuny is a highly experienced solicitor and mediator, demonstrating not only the technical skill required, but also an essential understanding of the human element to any dispute”. Carolyn Hanes, Family Mediator and Solicitor of New Landscape Mediation.


In most cases, working out your own arrangements in mediation following separation or divorce is the best way forward. This is because it is quicker, less expensive, and less stressful than court proceedings. Together with the mediator, you set the agenda, and you retain control of the outcome.

Following separation, it can be difficult to make arrangements because there has been a breakdown in trust and communication. A family mediator, who acts as an entirely neutral impartial third party, can help to facilitate difficult conversations, and assist you to structure arrangements that are unique to your own particular circumstances, whether these relate to financial matters, children or the future of your relationship. A family mediator will manage the process so that it is less overwhelming, and will help to reduce conflict and improve communication.

The discussions that take place in mediation are ‘without prejudice’. This means that they cannot be referred to in court, and the arrangements that you reach are not binding.

Most mediations take place with you and your ex in a room together with the mediator. However, if you have concerns about sitting in a room with your ex, you can discuss these in detail with the mediator in your initial meeting, and where appropriate, the mediator can arrange ‘shuttle mediation’. This means that you and your ex will be in separate rooms, and the ‘mediator’ will shuttle between you. The initial meetings that you and your ex have with the mediator are held with each of you separately, and are confidential. This gives you the opportunity to explain your circumstances, discuss your concerns, and find out in detail about the mediation process.

The discussions that take place in mediation are ‘without prejudice’. This means that they cannot be referred to in court, and the arrangements that you reach are not binding. At the end of the mediation process, your mediator will provide you with a document that will set out the proposals that you have reached. This is called a ‘Memorandum of Understanding’. The mediator will also set out details of your financial information in a document called an ‘Open Financial Statement’. Unlike the ‘Memorandum of Understanding’, the ‘Open Financial Statement’ can be referred to in future court proceedings, if these become necessary because mediation breaks down.

If you are getting divorced then the proposals that are recorded in the Memorandum of Understanding in respect to financial arrangements, can be made legally binding by incorporating them into a ‘consent order, which is submitted to the court for a judge’s approval. If you have not been married, then you can formalise the arrangements that you have reached in mediation in a Separation Agreement. It is a good idea for a specialist family solicitor to draw up the ‘consent order’ or Separation Agreement to ensure that your proposals are properly implemented, and that if necessary you can enforce them in the future if your ex doesn’t stick to what has been agreed. You can find a Resolution family solicitor here.

One of the major advantages of mediation is that you and your ex can draw up comprehensive arrangements for the future co-parenting of your children. These can be incorporated into a Parenting Plan, which in addition to covering the day to day living arrangements for your children, can also deal with broader issues relating to your children’s health, religion and education. Whilst it is not usually necessary, if you do not think that your ex will stand by the child arrangements that you have reached in mediation, a court can make an order in respect to the arrangements. A family solicitor can advise you if this is necessary, and can draw up the court order for you.


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