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Humans are designed to cope with many onslaughts, but change continues to prove extremely challenging. Especially when that change is unexpected or out of your control. Uncertainty is one of the hardest experiences, and can paralyse you from action. Take small steps, understand that waves of emotions will pass and write things down so that you’re not relying on memory at the very time when it is least effective.
Sometimes mums and dads can be accused of terrible things regarding their children. Some may be true, that occurred when they were still together. Others may be 'news to them'. Sometimes accusations can be made as a form of 'punishment' to either partner. This can occur if either mum or dad are at the angry stage of loss. It is not unusual for past behaviour to be seen through a different lens when angry or upset. Respond by being honest and try not to involve the children by asking them what they think.
Will my former partner be in court? It would be best if you prepare as though the will be. Sometimes partners say they're are going to attend and don't, just to wind the other up, but if you prepare calming strategies and ask for a recess if you feel too upset then you will managing your feelings. If you are represented the make sure your rep knows how you feel, as they can petition the court for some protection.